The Aniverse Chronicles 1: Progressive Stupidity
by Arazael
Summary: This is how I spend my free time...Annoying the crap out of the characters of various anime series'. WARNING: EXTREME SASUKE BASHING THROUGHOUT. Also, be prepared to have your head explode from the weirdness. Based on a true story. No flames, okey-dokey?


Please note: I do not own naruto, bleach, or any of the characters thereof. All the credit for the creation of these characters and storylines is owed to Mr. Masashi Kishimoto, and Tite Kubo.

12:00 noon, Unknown location.

(Blane Wakes up lying on the ground in the middle of a strange forest)

**Blane: **Huh...where am I? starts to stand up And why is everything all...cartoony?

CRASH

Blane: ERK!! hits the ground as a shadowy figure lands on his head.

Choji: We're coming Sasuke! jumps off into the trees

Blane: Omigod!...Rosanne?! ERK!!

CRASH

Shikamaru: Choji, wait up! we can't break formation! leaps after choji

Choji: but we've almost caught up!

CRASH

Kiba: Dang it choji! continues after choji and shikamaru

CRASH

Neji: ...jumps on

Blane: my...face...

CRASH

Naruto: huh? did I just hit something? follows the group

Blane: Rosanne... grits his teeth and ignores the pain as a single thought drives his every focus down a path of souless destruction

ROSAAAAANNE!!!

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Shikamaru: Choji, STOP!

Choji: But--...

Neji: Charging after those sound ninja isn't going to save anyone

Shikamaru: Neji's right, we need to keep th element of surprise.

Choji: But they'll cross out of the land of fire before we can get to them! You know what happens then!

Naruto: well forget about it! we'll catch up to them no matter what! believe it!

Kiba: Seriously, chill. you're acting like Naruto.

Naruto: Yeah, and so...Hey wait, what?!

(group laughs)

Choji: hey, c'mon. Ha-ha-ha! I'm not THAT bad!

BLANE:Sha-sha-SHAAA!!! jumps out of a nearby tree and starts beating choji senseless with a wiffleball bat. Die, you backwoods premadonna BEY-YOTCH!! your nick-at-night sitcom made me cry!

Kiba: Who's THAT guy?!

Naruto: I don't know, but I'm gonna take him down!

Shikamaru: Wait, Naruto. He's not going anywhere.

Blane:realizes that he's completely frozen in place. Oh, well THAT most certainly sucks now doesn't it?

Shikamaru: Like it? thats my special shadow possession jutsu, courtesy of the hidden leaf village. whoever you are, you've lost.

Blane: oh ho! you'd think so wouldn't you? But YOU forgot to take into account the fact that I'm a complete idiot!

Shikamaru: say...what?

Blane: strains with all his might and turns his head slightly towards his left shoulder MWAHAHAHAHA! starts biting himself

Shikamaru: sorry, this jutsu only lets me control your every movement. I'm not conected with you physically, so that doesn't hurt.

Blane: Ha-ha! guess again, ponytail! I've got a better plan!

Kiba: heh. what, are you trying to chew your arms and legs off?

Blane:...DAMN! Oh well. just because you figured it out doesn't mean you can stop me! chew chew chew

(silence)

Naruto: that's... an even worse idea.

Kiba: yeah, even if it worked how would you fight back?

Neji: thats a moot point, since it wouldn't work in the first place.

Blane: oh yeah? well we'll just see about that! chew chew

Naruto: He's a lunatic.

(everyone nods)

Blane: chew chew ow! its not working! it...it just hurts alot!

Shikamaru: so do you give up?

Blane: well... I guess I have no choice but to--...SQUIRRELS!!!

Shikamaru: What are you--... smack AAAGGGHHH!! falls to the ground as a squirrel catapults onto his face

Kiba: Shikamaru! are you ok?!

Shikamaru: getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!!

Neji: what's that sound?

Squeek-skeak-ka-cheek-cheeka

Neji: Holy God No...

(Mass terror ensues as a colossal army of squirrels attacks from the surrounding woods)

Kiba: AAAAHHH! they're EVERYWHERE!!!

Shikamaru: getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!!

Naruto: got to...focus...chakra...Rasen---GAAAAHHH!!

Blane: yes, YES! come my faithful woodland friends! destroy them!! WOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOO!!!!!!

Naruto: This...can't be...we've got to save Sasuke!!

Blane: Wahahahaha---...S-Sasuke? holds up fist ; squirrels stop attacking Sasuke Uchiha?

Kiba: yeah...you know him?

Blane: uh...yeah! yeah, sasuke and I used to be best...friends...when we were kids!

Neji: there's no way. How?

Blane: no, really! we used to sit around...being...emo...all the time!

Kiba: Well, yeah. that sounds about right. I mean, Sasuke IS emo after all.

Neji: Yes. COMPLETELY emo.

Blane: Yeah! the little parrot-haired bastard! uh, I mean...Bastard?

Naruto: yeah, he is kind of a bastard, too.

Choji: Bas...tard...ugh, my head...

Kiba: Choji's waking up!

Choji: unnh...where am I? and why does my head feel like O.J. Simpson's head should feel?

Naruto: oh man. Choji's completely out of it.

Kiba: which means we're one man down.

Neji: well THIS guy says he knows Sasuke. Maybe he can help.

Blane: Puts on an innocent face

Kiba: I don't know...He DID sorta beat Choji like he owed him money.

Neji: Shikamaru. You're leading this mission. what do you think?

Shikamaru: NO MORE SQUIRRELS!!! no...no more squirrels...

Naruto: then it's settled! welcome aboard, new guy. What's your name?

Blane: I'm...Alucard. Alucard Isdaman.

Naruto: well, I'm Naruto Uzamaki, and you're looking at the next Hokage! Believe it!

Blane:...'kaaaaaaayyy...wow, I must have finally lost my mind watching all that anime. COOL!!

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CHAPER 1

END


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